It will be 8 years in July. I can’t believe how fast the time flies. I think of him weekly still. It’s not daily any more, and that does make me sad. I don’t know if it’s the sentimental side of me after having Kensington and my emotions going from one extreme to the other, but I get super sensitive when thinking about him. Still. I have not experienced a ton of loss (thank the good Lord above), but what I have experienced just tears me up. Still. I think about the times together and pray that he was happy with me. I pray that he loved me even when I was a stinker. I pray that he doesn’t remember the eye rolls my young self I’m sure gave him. I know he isn’t thinking about these things, yet I do. I have regrets. You know, the type of regrets you have from high school. Maybe I’m the only one who still thinks about these things. Maybe dwells. I don’t know.
Two days this week my mind saw my grandpa who passed away almost 8 years ago. Once in my dream, holding baby Kensington. I woke up crying because I wish he could have met all my children. He would have loved them SO much. My grandma is still here and tells me they are the joy in her day. I know he would feel the same way. I wish my kids could have met him….and create memories with him.
The second time I saw him was yesterday, as I sat in the nail salon getting my nails done. He was sitting on a bench outside the door. I swung my head around the signs hanging in the windows to get a glimpse. I wanted the glimpse to last forever. I just sat and stared. So many similarities it was crazy. I got up to wash my hands, and when I returned, he was gone. Gone again. Seeing this man brought back so many wonderful memories and it made me yearn to see my grandpa again.
And let’s not even start talking about baby K. I see her just looking up to the ceiling and I imagine she is seeing him, he is making her smile. Because the smiles she gives, he would love and smile right back.
Yes, I’m probably crazy. I’m that’s cool. That’s how I cope…apparently. Little glimpses into a life of fabulous memories of a wonderful, Godly man, whom I miss a lot.