I have been wondering and wondering WHEN I would finally feel the sadness about our family no longer growing by another little human being. Both my husband and I feel really blessed with the gifts we have been given, our four little girls. We both feel complete – and neither of us want me to experience pregnancy again. I had amazing pregnancies and deliveries, so it’s not for that reason. It’s mainly for me and my peace of mind and, well, my body. This body isn’t getting any younger. We are complete. Yet, I always hear of the people that really know when they are done having children. Like, the thought of adding another child to their family repulses them, and they gag a little with the thought of going through it all again.
I never have had that. After my first three pregnancies, I never had that. After this fourth pregnancy, I never had the sick to my stomach feeling about adding another child to the mix. But, I did not want to be pregnant again. That I knew. And I was ok with that. I ‘think’ I’m still ok with that.
The reality of our girls growing has really hit me lately though. And the reality of no longer having a newborn to cuddle, of my own, has hit. With a vengeance. It’s funny how it happened though.
It wasn’t the wandering eyes I have when I see a baby. I don’t yearn for that baby to be mine. Well, not every time. 🙂
It didn’t happen when scheduling, during the appointment or even after my husband’s “procedure” was completed.
It wasn’t until all the baby and infant items in our house were not only put away, but now they are leaving. They are leaving the building. As in, chapter of life…closed!
That. That is when it’s hit me. Pit in my stomach. Tears down my cheeks.
Now is the reality of no more bottles to feed my babies, no more breast pumps to get the milk going, no Boppy’s, late night feedings or play mats. No more newborn clothes, other than the ones that I can’t part with. It’s all leaving the building.
And that makes me sad. But a good sad…I guess? It’s just reality. Sometimes reality really sucks. Because with this reality is the fact that my babies are now almost 9, almost 5, 3 and 1. http://itsallpink2me.com/2015/04/when-the-reality-finally-hits-like-whoa/That reality is flying by, day by day. I want to see what my babies become, but with them growing so fast…yikes!