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when the reality finally hits. like, whoa.

I have been wondering and wondering WHEN I would finally feel the sadness about our family no longer growing by another little human being. Both my husband and I feel really blessed with the gifts we have been given, our four little girls. We both feel complete – and neither of us want me to experience pregnancy again. I had amazing pregnancies and deliveries, so it’s not for that reason. It’s mainly for me and my peace of mind and, well, my body. This body isn’t getting any younger. We are complete. Yet, I always hear of the people that really know when they are done having children. Like, the thought of adding another child to their family repulses them, and they gag a little with the thought of going through it all again.

I never have had that. After my first three pregnancies, I never had that. After this fourth pregnancy, I never had the sick to my stomach feeling about adding another child to the mix. But, I did not want to be pregnant again. That I knew. And I was ok with that. I ‘think’ I’m still ok with that.

The reality of our girls growing has really hit me lately though. And the reality of no longer having a newborn to cuddle, of my own, has hit. With a vengeance. It’s funny how it happened though.

It wasn’t the wandering eyes I have when I see a baby. I don’t yearn for that baby to be mine. Well, not every time. πŸ™‚

It didn’t happen when scheduling, during the appointment or even after my husband’s “procedure” was completed.

It wasn’t until all the baby and infant items in our house were not only put away, but now they are leaving. They are leaving the building. As in, chapter of life…closed!

That. That is when it’s hit me. Pit in my stomach. Tears down my cheeks.

Now is the reality of no more bottles to feed my babies, no more breast pumps to get the milk going, no Boppy’s, late night feedings or play mats. No more newborn clothes, other than the ones that I can’t part with. It’s all leaving the building.

And that makes me sad. But a good sad…I guess? It’s just reality. Sometimes reality really sucks. Because with this reality is the fact that my babies are now almost 9, almost 5, 3 and 1. reality is flying by, day by day. I want to see what my babies become, but with them growing so fast…yikes!


  • Melissa April 2, 2015

    I agree to this in so many ways! Eric and I both LOVE having our 5. We have gotten to a point in our lives that we are ready for the next stage. Like you said, my body isn’t getting any younger and the older I get the harder the pregnancies were for me. I don’t enjoy going through Liams clothing and taking out all that he has outgrown. It makes me very sad! But we are enjoying no diapers, less stroller time and understanding everyones needs. Yes, with an almost 11, 10, just turned 9, and almost 8, and 4 year olds there comes a totally different edge to life….hormones! We haven’t hit that stage of life gently πŸ™‚ Only through God’s strength will I make it out alive πŸ˜‰ I really dont mind. I take every day one day at a time. Pray, Breath and enjoy every stage of life my children grow through! Great read!

    • Shannon April 22, 2015

      I love how you say with “God’s strength”, because that’s totally true! And one day at a time. Yes, agreed!! πŸ™‚ Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Liz April 2, 2015

    Awww.. I love this post and relate on so many levels. (Your casual comment on IG about having a third hasn’t left my mind.) I pray you find peace soon my friend. I know how hard it is!!

    • Shannon April 22, 2015

      Same to you thought girl! Closure is hard and awesome…all at the same time!! πŸ™‚

  • User May 9, 2015

    I am one of those people repulsed by the thought of doing it all again.

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